The Bear Truth

Most of the dudes who become unhinged when a woman chooses the bear end up proving her point for her.

It started, as these things often do, on TikTok.

I’m not a TikTok user myself, but I do spend way too much time on Facebook. Also, ever since I deleted my Twitter account (Yes, it was still Twitter when I did it and I therefore refuse to say “X” — it just feels silly to me … because “Twitter” sounds so grown-up? Anyway, I digress.), I’ve been spending a lot of time on Threads, which is Mark Zuckerberg’s answer to Twitter — not perfect, but preferable to the right-wing hellscape that Elon Musk has wrought in his little corner of the internet.

The other day, a new account appeared on my Threads timeline. It called itself @the.bear.in.the.woods, and amassed around 4,000 followers in its first three days. And if you don’t know why, you probably spend a lot less time on Beyoncé’s internet than I do.

Like I said, the whole thing started on TikTok. A user who goes by @screenshothq posted a short video (as TikTok users are wont to do) wherein seven women on the street were asked the question, “If you were alone in the woods, who would you rather encounter: a strange man you’ve never met before, or a bear?” If you’re a woman reading this, you likely won’t be shocked to learn that of the seven women, six of them chose “bear.” Only one would take their chances with a man they know nothing about. If you’re a man, you might be shocked. You might immediately understand. You might be sad. You might be feeling a little defensive, as though you’re being attacked. It’s hard to predict how a man will react, and really — that’s the entire point. The original video on TikTok quickly amassed over 65,000 responses.

In the meantime, the “man vs. bear” discourse has completely taken over Threads, mostly because some of the men there have become completely unhinged by this conversation. They insist that a woman would be much better off meeting a strange man in the woods, and to prove their assertion, they usually talk about what a good, upstanding, moral person they are, personally and individually. When their arguments fail to convince any woman they encounter in the forest we call social media, they tend to lash out, and generally prove the point the women were making all along.

Obviously, no one gets to choose who one randomly encounters when alone in the woods. But it’s worth stating that first of all, the women are absolutely correct. Most bears in the US, unless they feel threatened or are really hungry, will not kill someone they randomly meet in the woods. According to bearvault.com, there have only been about 180 fatal bear attacks in North America since 1784.

Now, compare that to the amount of harassment, abuse, assault, rape, and yes — death — that women have experienced at the hands of men during that same time. Many of the women I follow on Threads have started posting things like, “A bear has never ordered me to sleep n*ked so he could have ‘constant access’” and “A bear has never tried to convince me that I can control my menstrual cycle” and “A bear has never told me that stalking is ‘lowkey romantic.’” In a few heartbreaking posts, many, many women have noted that in the event of a bear attack, they would probably a) be believed and b) would not be prosecuted for what they wore, if they smiled, or did anything else to “lead the bear on.”

And still, the men can’t or refuse to get it. If they would only listen, there’s a lot that straight men especially could learn from this. They could learn, for instance, that women fear men, and with good reason. They could learn their catcalls on the street are not funny, they’re scary. Their invasion of a woman’s personal space is not alluring, it’s scary. Sending a photo of your junk to a woman you barely know is not sexy. It’s scary. And if they’d really like to take these lessons to heart, they could take time to counsel other men, young boys especially, on how women feel and how they could behave in a way that supports them rather than demeans them.

As I write this, the conversation is predictably expanding to explore other identities. Many gay men have posted that they’d also choose a bear, and have clarified that they mean an actual bear, not a bearded man with a hairy dad bod. Several Black women have gone on record to state they’d also choose a bear over a strange White woman they didn’t know. And, because the topic is a heavy one, there are also many moments of levity, up to and including the entrance of @the.bear.in.the.woods.

Welcome to the jungle, Mama Grizzly. It’s wild in here.

This essay originally appeared in Letters from CAMP Rehoboth, a newsletter for the LGBTQ community and it’s allies.