The Homage Vice Pays to Virtue

In the waning days of May, two stories crossed my news feed. They took place on different continents in different decades, but in many other ways, they were strikingly similar. They both involved powerful men saying things behind closed doors, things they assumed would be kept private. Both statements, however, were published — one days after, the other twenty years later. But they both saw the light of day, and they were both at odds with the image these men would rather project.

The first of these stories involved Pope Francis, who (according to the New York Times) had been in a private meeting with a group of Italian bishops when he was asked whether openly gay men should be admitted into seminaries to study for the priesthood. According to reports, Francis said no, that seminaries were already too full of “frociaggine,” an Italian slur that roughly translates to “f*gg*ts.”

As a gay ex-Catholic who now identifies as an atheist, the news was disappointing, but not overtly wounding, and certainly not surprising. The Catholic church was where I first learned about homosexuality, and it wasn’t a very positive message. I suppose my Catholic upbringing is one of the reasons why I couldn’t bear to come out, even to myself, until the age of twenty-five. So, despite meeting more than my share of gay priests in my life, I maintain a healthy skepticism when it comes to the folks in the Vatican.

And yet, Pope Francis is supposed to be the “nice” Pope. He’s certainly better than his predecessor, who was virulently homophobic both in public and private, despite his fancy red patent leather shoes and movie-star-handsome “personal secretary.” When Francis became Pope in 2013, he became known for his humility, emphasis on God’s mercy, and a focus on the world’s poor. In 2023, he made headlines by condemning “unjust” laws that criminalize homosexuality, stating that “God loves us as we are.” Many of the gay Catholics in my life rejoiced when they heard this, even though Francis also said that homosexuality was still considered a sin — so we shouldn’t go to jail, but unless we repent, we won’t get into heaven. I suppose this represents progress, but calling Pope Francis the best Pope of my lifetime still feels like damning with the faintest of praise.

As someone who today believes in neither a God nor an afterlife, none of this really affects me — but it irks me all the same. I can give Pope Francis a smidgen of credit for issuing a public apology as soon as the slur came to light, but that it was spoken at all points to how the man truly regards me in his heart — as just another f*gg*t, apparently.

The other story came from a producer on the first season of The Apprentice, back in the good old days when Donald Trump was just a tacky real estate magnate, not an existential threat to our democracy. Like everyone who worked The Apprentice, Bill Pruitt signed a non-disclosure agreement, preventing him from saying anything about his behind-the-scenes experiences … a gag order, if you like. But his NDA had an expiration date of 20 years, and it had just expired.

The article he wrote for Slate Magazine is also not exactly shocking, but a doozy of a read. Among the many revelations were the fact that Trump was not the first choice to star in The Apprentice, but the only one who would take the job after several other high-profile moguls had turned it down, a description of just how run-down the Trump offices were in 2004, and an anecdote about an architect who was never paid for designing the clubhouse on one of Trump’s golf courses, and who couldn’t afford to sue.

But the story that caught the most attention was Trump’s casual use of the n-word in reference to Season 1’s runner-up, Kwame Jackson, along with the implication that Jackson lost because Trump was unsure if the audience “would buy a [n-word] winning.” According to Pruitt, he said this while cameras were rolling.

Now, Trump’s racism is no big secret. This is the man who took out a full-page ad calling for the “Central Park Five” to be put to death, and never apologized, even after they were fully exonerated. This is the man who began a movement to question our first Black president’s eligibility for office. This is the man who recently posted a campaign video that clearly echoed the language of the Nazi movement.

This is also a man who has not commented on his use of a bigoted slur, much less apologized for it. But like Pope Francis, it’s very likely that Trump wishes this story had not been told. And I’d bet money that he’s now working furiously to prevent any incriminating tapes from being released.

Pride Month has come and gone. When I celebrate Pride, I usually think about how freeing it is to be out of the closet and how much I love being a part of the big, beautiful rainbow we call the “LGBTQ community.” But this year, I’m thinking about something a little deeper. I’m thinking about all the ways I could do a better job aligning who I am in public with everything I say and do in private. This year, Pride is still a sense of joy and purpose, but it’s also an aspiration, to live without fear and to be my very best self, even when I don’t think anyone’s watching. Happy Pride, everyone (because every month is Pride Month). And don’t forget to register to vote.